Your Biological Needs as a Biological Creature

None of us seek out suffering, yet it often becomes one of our greatest teachers. When we're in pain - physically, emotionally, or spiritually - we are pushed to a point where we can no longer ignore what isn't working. It's often only when we're truly fed up with repeating the same patterns, the same outcomes, the same disappointments, that we decide: something has to change. It's been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Suffering brings this into focus. It nudges us - sometimes gently, sometimes with force - toward new choices. And in that way, suffering can actually be a surprising gift. When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Appears When we are open to change, the right teachers and tools have a way of finding us. Maybe it's a book handed to you at just the right time, or a conversation with someone who shares wisdom you didn't even know you needed. Maybe it's a moment of synchronicity that feels like the universe is nudging you in a new direction. This is the power of being willing. When you're ready to shift, your subconscious begins to align with new possibilities. You start noticing signs and opportunities that were always there, but now you're open to receive them. Stress, Survival, and the Nervous System At the root of much of our suffering is stress - not just the obvious fight-or-flight kind, but the deeper survival patterns that live in our nervous system. When we experience stress, our body can react in several ways: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Fight/Flight are the classic responses, priming us to protect ourselves or run from danger. Freeze is when we shut down, unable to respond at all. Fawn is less talked about, but just as powerful - it's when we give up our authenticity in order to belong, to please others, to keep ourselves safe through compliance. As social beings, we deeply crave connection and relationship security. When we don't feel securely attached, our nervous system interprets this as a threat. This can trigger old wounds from childhood where we may have learned that love or safety required us to abandon parts of ourselves. The result? Patterns of people-pleasing, repressing needs, or silencing truth - all of which become sources of suffering in adulthood. Healing Through Presence The good news is that suffering doesn't have to define us - it can lead us to deeper healing and self-connection. Our nervous system holds our survival responses, but it can also be rewired through presence, breath, and support. Breathwork is a simple but powerful tool, helping us return to the parasympathetic state where rest and healing happen. Chiropractic adjustments and body-based practices can release stored tension, reconnecting us with safety in our bodies. Play and movement help process emotions that words can't always reach. Ultimately, healing is about being seen, heard, and acknowledged . This is true for us as adults, and it's equally true for children. Supporting Our Children Through Their Big Feelings When a child is upset, one of the greatest gifts we can give them is our presence. Rather than leaving them alone in their overwhelm, we can stay close and help them name what they're feeling: "You're feeling so mad right now." "It seems like you're really sad." Even if they correct us, the message they receive is: I see you. Your feelings matter. Naming emotions allows feelings to move through the body, leading to regulation and calm. If we feel triggered ourselves, we can ground by focusing on our breath, wiggling our fingers and toes, moving our body, or tuning in to the sounds around us. This keeps us present without becoming overwhelmed. Eye contact, gentle touch, and calm acknowledgement help children feel safe and supported. Equally important is affirming them during play. When a child says, "Look at me!" , what they're really asking is, "Do you see me?" Reflecting back their joy and effort - "You ran so fast!" or "That must feel so good!" - nurtures their sense of being seen, loved, and valued. The True Gift of Suffering Suffering cracks us open to change. It reminds us that our nervous system, our relationships, and our inner child all long for healing and authenticity. By choosing presence, compassion, and connection, we allow suffering to transform us rather than harden us. The surprising gift of suffering is that it leads us back to ourselves - to our truth, our body, our breath, our playfulness, and our capacity to connect deeply with others. When we meet our pain with curiosity and compassion, we discover that it was never here to destroy us. It was here to wake us up. 

When most of us think about stress, we picture an immediate crisis: the fire alarm goes off, the deadline looms, the child is sick - and our body jumps into fight or flight mode . This acute stress response is natural and protective; it helps us deal with danger and move through a challenge. Once the fire is out, so to speak, our nervous system should return to balance, shifting back into the parasympathetic state of rest, digest, and healing. But the truth is, not all stress looks like a fire we can see and put out. Some of the most harmful stressors are the invisible ones we carry every day. Beyond the Fire: Emotional and Nutritional Stress Stress isn't only about what's happening outside of us. Emotional stress, in particular, is one of the most overlooked contributors to poor health. When we repress our feelings or silence our emotional needs in order to feel acceptable - or to make ourselves acceptable to others - we create long-term strain in our bodies. This repression comes at a cost. Over time, it raises our vulnerability to illness, both subjectively (how we feel) and physiologically (how our body functions). Our health depends on a delicate balance between two human needs: relationship security (feeling loved and connected) and autonomy (feeling free to be ourselves). When that balance is disrupted - even if we aren't consciously aware of it - our nervous system feels the impact. Research shows that people who are socially isolated are at higher risk for illness, while those with strong connections experience longer, healthier lives. Yet real connection only comes when we are authentic. Living according to someone else's expectations may seem safer in the moment, but over time, it erodes our well-being. The Weight of Guilt and Resentment One of the biggest emotional stressors we face is the tug-of-war between guilt and resentment. Guilt often arises when we make choices that honour ourselves but fear we might disappoint others. Resentment builds when we silence our needs to please everyone else. Here's the truth: guilt is uncomfortable, but it can be a sign you're choosing your authentic self. Resentment, on the other hand, is corrosive. It's like soul-suicide - bitterness that gets pushed down deeper and deeper. When faced with the choice between guilt or resentment, choose guilt. Over time, guilt fades as you begin to embody your true self. Resentment lingers and poisons your spirit. Returning to the Present So how do we move out of the stress cycle? One of the most powerful steps is bringing our attention back to the present moment. Instead of waiting for "someday" when life will finally feel good, we can notice where joy is already alive. Ask yourself: What can I be grateful for right now? Where in my life am I already living the dreams I once hoped for? What small steps today help me feel authentic, grounded, and connected? Stress pulls us into the trenches of "not yet" - but presence reminds us that joy is already here. What Really Matters Hospice workers often share that at the end of life, people rarely regret not achieving more milestones. What they long for are the simple, human moments: walking under spring blossoms, feeling the earth under their feet, listening to birdsong, laughing with loved ones. These are the moments that make life worth living. Stress tricks us into missing these golden moments by keeping us fixated on what's next. Gratitude and presence bring us back to what matters most - the small, ordinary, extraordinary things that fill us with awe and make us feel alive. A Final Reminder Stress will always be part of life. But when we learn to notice it, honour our emotions, live authentically, and come back to the present, we begin to reclaim our health and our joy. Your body isn't working against you - it's always communicating, always guiding you back to balance. The more you align with your truth, the less stress you carry, and the more space you create for peace, connection, and vitality. 

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